


chains and locked up hearts

by swaggeyama (bbhyun)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: I ship this so hard, M/M, i cry every time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-18 20:13:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7329181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbhyun/pseuds/swaggeyama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ever since oikawa left, things have felt off, and hajime doesn’t know what to do.</p><p>(previously: the chain)</p>
            </blockquote>





	chains and locked up hearts

**Author's Note:**

> ok basically this is after oikawa & iwa split up for uni and it's inspired by the song the chain by ingrid michaelson!! 
> 
> this hasn't really been edited yet i'm sorry :(

hajime remembers the last time he’d seen oikawa in person, heading off to separate universities, both refusing to admit the sinking feeling in the pits of their stomachs. oikawa had purposely smiled his brightest then, and for once, hajime hadn't known whether it was real or not. it was kind of a mix of both, which was confusing for oikawa. oikawa had always been black or white; hajime had been the grey one. 

hajime frowns and looks up at the sky. it’s a nice day today, he thinks to himself, the wind whistling. (hajime imagines it blowing through oikawa’s hair.) but something feels wrong, and he can’t seem to put his finger on it. it can’t be oikawa’s absence, hajime usually isn’t the type to pine after boys with stupid voices and childish jokes. but then again, oikawa had _always_ been here, so what does he know? 

_my bones are shifting in my skin, and you, my love, are gone._

 

-

 

perhaps the most frustrating thing was that they’d left with so many unsaid things between them. oikawa always had things on his mind, though he always acted like his head was full of air. even when he pretended nothing was wrong, hajime knew the look oikawa got when something was on the tip of his tongue, but suppressed and deemed unimportant, like the back of his hand. now, more than ever, hajime wishes he knew what those words were. 

and of course, hajime has his own things to say. or at least, he has things he wants oikawa to know. he’s never been good with words though, and when they stand face to face for the last time in months everything is a blur and all hajime can see is oikawa’s eyes. it sucks that he can’t put his emotions into words, and tell oikawa everything he’s wanted him to hear since junior high. it sucks quite a bit. 

ever since oikawa left, things have felt off, and hajime doesn’t know what to do. 

_i cannot seem to operate, and you, my love, are gone._

 

-

 

as expected, both of them are busy with university life. they don’t talk much anymore, aside from the random texts they send each other from their conflicting schedules. it’s a change from when every day was spent next to each other; hajime can’t imagine why he ever wished oikawa would leave him alone for a bit. he’s had too much peace and quiet now, and he misses the storm that oikawa had brought along and drowned him in. 

hajime isn’t too sure about university. the classes leave his mind spinning and the responsibilities weigh him down. one day, his roommate tells him he’s too quiet and brooding, but hajime was never like that around oikawa. oikawa had always been the one to coax him out of his shell, pull him into the real world, out from dark rooms and television shows. hajime had always been the one to tie oikawa down when he floated away and lost track of himself, and together they’d reached some sort of comfortable balance.

the only thing that feels sort of real to him is volleyball. hajime lies in bed, spinning a volleyball in his hands. he goes for practice, and he runs, and jumps, and spikes. his palm still knows the sensation of smashing a ball over the net, and the adrenaline in his veins is still there, but no one tosses quite like oikawa did. nobody could. throwing the ball back onto the floor, he listens to the methodic thumping as it bounces to the other side. he’s going to have to pick that up later. or maybe not. maybe he could just lie in bed forever, and wake up and be in high school again with all his friends and with oikawa. he’d always been the one to pick up after others' messes, but now he knows he _is_ the mess. he grumbles and bunches the sheets up in his fists. the bed won’t fit without oikawa shoving himself under hajime’s covers obnoxiously, but he tries his best not to think about that.

_i'll never say that i'll never love, but i don't say a lot of things, and you, my love, are gone._

 

-

 

slowly, hajime feels himself closing up. he feels himself retreating back into a shell oikawa had long since fought to pull him out of. sure, he still talks, he just prefers thinking. hajime thinks a lot these days. he thinks about his shaky future and how things don't turn out as you plan. he thinks about his classes and how to get by without anyone noticing how not okay he is. he thinks about whether oikawa is doing alright or whether he’s overworking himself and not sleeping enough and not eating enough and beating himself up and crying late at night and faking smiles without anyone noticing. he thinks about how oikawa must feel if he, the strong one, feels like this. but oikawa had promised him they'd both be perfectly fine.

a few months into university and hajime has given up on promises; completely shut himself out, bolted his door with chains and chains and chains. (no one tries to unlock them.) 

_so glide away on soapy heels and promise not to promise anymore._

 

-

 

“ah, iwa-chan, it’s been a while.” 

oikawa stands in the doorway wearing plain clothes, his seijoh jacket slung over his shoulder. hajime has exactly two thoughts, what the fuck is he doing here and why hadn't he come sooner? his third thought is he’s forgotten how to breathe. oikawa looks, as expected, like shit. his cheeks are pale, eyebags noticeable against the pallid skin tone - and has he grown _even_ thinner than before? 

hajime feels the familiar build up of thoughts and weird _icky_ emotions and he opens his mouth to say something but all that comes out is a measly how’ve you been? 

“i’m always good, don’t you know?” oikawa smiles weakly, it’s so obvious that even the most oblivious idiot could spot the strain in oikawa’s voice and the tenseness of his shoulders. instantly hajime knows he’s not the only one feeling this sense of wrongness without his best friend by his side. (he's maybe a little bit relieved.)

“at least...i’m better now.” when oikawa smiles this time, it’s real and sweet and it makes hajime’s heart hurt.

suddenly, in this moment with oikawa looking like a fucking _beautiful_ zombie, hajime thinks he finally knows what he wants to say.

_and if you come around again, then i will take the chain from off the door._


End file.
